When the Problem Is You: Facing Hard Truths in Nonprofit Leadership

Lee Domaszowec
Aug 12
7 min read

Sometimes, you’re the problem

Leadership is about setting, and protecting, the Mission and Vision. Sometimes the biggest threat to that vision is... you.

If you’re an Executive Director or Board Chair of a nonprofit, or a member of a team experiencing some internal conflict, this is going to be a tough read. But it’s an important one.

Before the end of this blog you’re going to get:

A clear recognition of the hidden people factors that often derail missions, even when funding and strategy are solid.
A real-world transformation story showing how a leader went from burnout to become an industry leader through personal responsibility, honest conversations, and team restructuring.
A 5-step, immediately actionable framework for dealing with tough interpersonal issues that’s structured to maintain respect and appreciation for your team while still driving change.
A renewed understanding of why leadership courage matters as much as any strategy, and what happens when you face your own role in the problem head-on.

The real challenge isn’t the work. It’s the people.

When it comes to managing people, even the best leaders get in their own way. You’ve poured years of work into building something worth protecting. But sometimes, despite your sincere best efforts, something’s still not working.

In 30 years of business and consulting, I’ve seen the same pattern over and over: nonprofit leaders think their biggest challenge is funding, strategy, or marketing. It’s really not.

The hardest part… the thing that makes or breaks your organization… is the people part.

You can have a clear plan, sustainable funding, and a powerful mission, and still fail… because someone on your team can’t or won’t deliver or live up to their fullest potential.

And let me be clear about this; that means you too.

Sometimes it’s a long-tenured staff member who “means well” but refuses to adapt. Sometimes it’s a high-potential hire who never clicks. And sometimes it’s the leader who avoids the hard conversation because you want to be liked, or the Board Chair who won’t act because you fear losing “institutional knowledge.” Maybe you just think it’s easier to let it go.

In cause-driven work, these delays in managing change and conflict between people costs you productivity and mission progress. And most nonprofit leaders take far too long to act.

Again, this probably means you too. And it means me. This is everyone’s challenge.

What most leaders (and most consultants) get wrong

Our process includes Discovery, Strategy, and Implementation. Each is important and they really should happen in that order, but Implementation never really stops. In order for the strategy to work and for you to achieve your Mission and Vision, you need to stick with it. Forever.

Most leaders try to “manage around” a problem person. They shuffle responsibilities, create workarounds, or wait for someone to improve on their own. Months become years, and the culture can begin to change. Become awkward, or even toxic. Nothing good comes from it.

Most consultants make it worse. They’ll hand you a powerpoint of recommendations and suggest “team-building” exercises, and they’ll probably identify other people on your team who need to go, but they won’t name the problem out loud if you’re part of the problem.

Telling a leader they’re part of the problem risks losing the contract. It risks burning relationships or at least getting a bad rating. Change is difficult enough and executive coaching is an area of nonprofit consulting that is dangerous for the consultants.

So they say what’s safe, not what’s true.

That’s one way PhoenixFire is different. We believe in “respectful candor.” We’ll always say the thing no one else will because your mission matters more than anyone’s comfort. Including yours.

Proof it works: From struggling leader to industry leader

One of our early clients had a potentially excellent Executive Director who had never managed people before. She was working herself to exhaustion to cover for her one full-time manager. The volunteer team included just six regulars. Her 3 person Board of Directors wasn’t supporting her.

PhoenixFire partnered with this nonprofit for a year. Much of the work was executive coaching and, often, uncomfortable conversations. We didn’t sugarcoat the reality: the leader needed to take responsibility for mistakes, restructure the team, and deal honestly with performance issues.

She made the tough calls. She developed a strong volunteer program with our help. She invested in expanding her staff from one manager to four. And she performance-managed that first manager with clear expectations and hard conversations about fit.

Ultimately, that manager moved on. The ED took personal responsibility for her growth, communication skills, and nonprofit leadership. The organization’s performance soared. That Executive Director grew into not just a leader of her nonprofit, but a leader in her field. It wasn’t easy, and there were difficult conversations with us along the way… but results matter.

That’s what happens when you stop avoiding people's problems and start solving them.

Especially if that people problem is you!

The solution is simple. Nonprofit leadership Implementation is often really hard.

Fixing a people problem isn’t really very complicated. It’s just hard to do, especially if you’ve never been coached on how to do it right.

Here’s the same process we give our clients to act faster without losing humanity.

1. Have the hardest conversations first.

If you’re dreading it, it’s probably the one that matters most. Schedule it now, not after the next event or campaign.

2. Structure the conversation for success.

Go in with:

Clarity about the issue
Specific examples
A clear desired outcome

3. Be clear as an act of kindness.

Ambiguity isn’t kind—it’s cruel. If someone’s role is in jeopardy, they deserve to know exactly why and what needs to change.

4. Ensure equity.

Would you handle this the same way with any other team member? If not, correct that first.

5. Always show appreciation

Whether they stay, leave, or shift roles, honor their contributions. Respect costs you nothing and preserves your reputation as a fair leader.

Why this matters even more in nonprofits

In cause-based work, your mission only advances when everyone pulls in the same direction. Avoiding the hard call to protect one person means sacrificing progress for many.

I’ve seen organizations stall for years because they couldn’t face one hard personnel decision. I’ve also seen them transform almost overnight when they finally acted. The difference is never the “strategy in the binder.”

It’s leadership courage.

How PhoenixFire does it differently

We don’t avoid the hard conversations. We prepare you for them, sit with you through them, and stay with you while the changes take root.

What does that actually look like in consulting? We look at your strategy and your people together, because execution lives or dies on the strength of your team. That means:

Assessing whether your team has the capacity and capability to deliver on the mission.
Spotting where personalities, habits, or behaviors are undermining results.
Naming patterns—even when they point back to leadership decisions.

We do this with respectful candor, because hard truths and the things you don’t know you don’t know are some of the most valuable thing you can buy from a consultant.

Why pay an expert to tell you what you want to hear? That’s a waste of everyone’s time.

Your next steps

If you can already picture the name or situation holding your organization back, you need a plan.

In one call, we can map the conversation that changes everything for your organization. Don’t let another week pass while the wrong person slows you down… especially if it’s you.

Schedule your confidential strategy call with PhoenixFire today. We’ll help you protect your mission, strengthen your culture, and free you to lead without hesitation.

BONUS RESOURCES!

Don’t believe the information in this blog? Check out these recommended books and academic studies or publications on difficult conversations and leadership communications

1. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

By Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al SwitzlerA business classic (over 2 million copies sold) that provides a practical framework for high-stakes, emotionally charged discussions—perfect for nonprofit leaders and small businesses under pressure.

2. Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time

By Susan ScottTransforms how leaders approach tough conversations—encouraging radical honesty, presence, and emotional accountability. Focuses on making conversations “real” and powerful.

3. Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity

By Kim Malone Scott

Balances empathy with direct feedback—“care personally, challenge directly” is the core philosophy. Particularly useful for leaders needing to maintain relationships while driving performance.

4. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

By Marshall Rosenberg

Not strictly a leadership book, but a timeless framework for empathetic, needs-based dialogue—ideal for leaders committed to connection and clarity.

5. Hostage at the Table: How Leaders Can Overcome Conflict, Influence Others and Raise Performance

By George Kohlrieser

Utilizes the metaphor of hostage negotiation to teach high-stakes conflict resolution and secure-base leadership. Deep insights on influence and performance in tense scenarios.

6. The Leadership Challenge

By James Kouzes & Barry Posner

A classic leadership development staple built on decades of research. Focuses on five practices—Model the Way, Inspire a Shared Vision, Challenge the Process, Enable Others to Act, and Encourage the Heart—which are foundational to leading through difficult conversations.

7. Managing Difficult Conversations: An Essential Communication Skill for All Professionals and Leaders

A 2022 article from Academic Medicine outlining a Stanford-developed course where leaders practice high-stakes dialogues through case-based role play in a safe environment. Valuable for designing real-world training.

8. Harvard Business School and Berkeley Executive Education Blogs

Both offer tactical insights into tough conversations—highlighting clarity, active listening, and the importance of aligning relational and informational goals.

9. Conversational Science from HBS: “The Conversational Compass”

A fresh, research-backed model from Alison Wood Brooks at Harvard Business School, emphasizing the need to validate emotions first—then move toward influence or disagreement with clarity and care.